bdays!!

recently, kns had a long over due bday celebrations for pee and eve. the place rocks as usual but definitely not the price. we were ALL puzzled when we saw the receipt. what the hell did we eat and drink? drinks were lousy, sitting area sucks because we were too near to the band but the thin crusted pizza rocks! i shall try to finish one on my own the next time. yeah!!!


bday girls!!!


oh where oh where has our lydia gone to?


proclaimed alcoholics


best shot =)

FAT, we all want the other photos!!!!!!

disgusted

sometimes we just want someone who is willing to protect us at any costs. keep us away from danger, even to the extent of deceiving us. living each day in lies, putting on a front. suffering and enduring the pain all by themselves and not let us in an inch to share their burdens. all they hope for is to see us everyday in their lives.

why are there people out there who are so selfless? they always spare a thought for others but never themselves. i become pale in comparsion. the things i have been doing all these years evolve around me. personal achievement, my own time, my leisure, my social life! i have never shared a single part of me with them. i am like a lone ranger living in my own world.

i claim i did all these are for them. is that just an excuse for what i have done? how noble i am in front of others! i feel like shit, trying to fill up the hole in my heart. painting a picture but it never turns out to be perfect. does that make me feel better?

i am just disgusted by myself.

limitations

before i blog about what i want to say, i am damn angry now!!! i cant play ep 9 of pb season 2. yaya, i have completed the entire season but i am still pissed. i cant play it after i lend it to someone. damn it!!! did she ill treat it while i was away? arghhh!!!

working has been rather slack except when i am throw with multiple small tasks to do. based on what i know of myself, i will want to finish them asap. although i tell frens that "sorry, i was busy just now", it is just me wanting to finish it fast. i am about to end my current job in about one month's time but somehow i feel that there are much more things i want to do before the school starts.

making a list in my head, i realized cash is an obstacle. save up! that is what i always tell myself but seriously, how much and how long can i save up to get there? be practical girl!!!

no matter how unreasonable and conservative my parents can be at times, i still love them for giving me the space to breathe and freedom to enjoy. however, i have to pay a high price for this independence. they will advise you this this this and conclude everything by saying "ultimately, you have to think for yourself". omg! i felt the soil moved for a split second. it does not help at all when they say that to me. it just makes things worse. i hate to do things without having the support i want.

i just want to get out of school soon, when things are fully controlled by myself.

wednesday blues

most suffer from monday blues but to me, the hardest day to spend is wednesday. i hate wednesday. it is called the hump day in my language. it is neither at the beginning nor the end of the week. i dont feel excited because weekends seem so far away. i am not feeling tired because i should have enough rest from play by wednesday. argh!! i just dont like the feeling of not being here and there. i am stuck right in the middle. totally dreadful day!!!

mayday JUMP!!!

i was blown away by mayday again!!! i just went to their concert and i am totally more in love with them, especially monster. he is extremely charming when he played his electric guitar. i shall start revising my chords again. =)

emotions was running high when i turned back and looked. everyone at the max pavilion was on their feet. we were all swinging our lousy yet expensive lightsticks to the music, singing to our hearts' content. i guess that is the power of mayday. it proves something since they have been in the industry for a long time.

the thing about mayday is i love their songs. listen carefully to the lyrics and you will start to realise they mean something. somehow or rather, the words always fit nicely in the situation i am or was in. their songs never fails to give me hope and definitely the courage to dream.

i just want to get back to the place and relive the moment again.

i will be independent

it is yet another peaceful night. it feels great after taking a long and hot bath. why do i always start to feel when only distance separates me from them? i am not afraid, and definitely not lost. they had repeated the list of must-do-things to me since last week and i can read them out backwards now. i know exactly how and what i should do but the sudden sense of emptiness is overwhelming.

a gesture of putting his arm over my shoulder, telling me to take good care of myself warmed my heart instantly. i kinda regretted what i did last night but i am still angry over it. a gentle reminder to look after myself makes me want to protect them even more. why do i feel that i have failed to be the perfect daughter? i hate the current state of life i am in now, struggling with the limited ability i have.

i dont want to watch the television dramas alone. i dont want to argue with the person i see in the mirror. i need someone to bicker with me. i want to be nagged at. i want someone to pull me off my bed every morning. be safe! =)